Here is a short excerpt from my contemporary sweet romance WIP, Ruby. They've just broken up and Michael, the sea captain, is about to head to the Southern Ocean in pursuit of the Japanese whalers, leaving Ruby at her boutique hotel in Noosa.
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Blue Moon Rising
Blue Moon Rising
Michael had left hours ago. Ruby had stopped staring at the door waiting for his return. He wasn’t coming back. She gave the window a rough push outwards. The night had turned sultry. A Queensland summer night, except it was spring. Was it just her? The heat felt sticky, rivulets of sweat were running between her breasts. Maybe there’d be a storm later to cool things off.
To think of sleep was laughable. A leisurely bath might help. The trouble was her body remembered Michael’s touch. Her body wouldn’t let her forget how it felt to be touched by him. She still felt on fire hours later— she felt lush, like a ripe fruit. Oh to wash those feelings away.
This time the bath hadn’t helped. She lay naked on top of the sheets but sleep was elusive. She felt bereft but this was what she’d asked for. Michael was in his cottage packing his bags, dreaming of the whale hunt instead of sharing a sultry night with her. He’d made it clear where he’d rather be.
With a cry, she flung herself out of bed and slumped at the window. Maybe the fresh air would cool her. She leaned out as far as she could, pushing aside the fragrant fronds of purple wisteria. She surrendered to a shadowy blue moon hovering over the ocean. Ah, the mystery of the blue moon, seductive, like smoothing the sheets on an enticing bed.
She collapsed into bed. She lay there in the dark, eyes wide open, sheets thrown back. She watched the blue moon shimmering on the ornate mirror opposite her bed. Yes! She’d wish on the blue moon. Wished for Michael to come back. What was that old proverb?
If they say the moon is blue,
We must believe that it is true.
We must believe that it is true.
She was alert to the night sounds—a dog barking, a door slamming, the whisper of tyres from a car going down the hill. Common noises, noises that happen anywhere in the world where there are people, but tonight they spoke to her, the mundane had become memorable. Tonight she had sent her love away.
What if she was wrong? ‘Oh, Michael,’ she cried into the darknening room. ‘I love you, but you aren’t ever coming back.’ Did she hear him whisper, Maybe next time there’s a blue moon?
***
©DeniseCovey2011
Click here to read more #RomanticFridayWriters #ff.
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391 words. FCA. |
21 comments:
A sad story! Like how bring the blue moon into it. It's kind of romantic.
Yes she can definitely wish. Stranger things have come true:) Kind of sad but realistic. Love the way you weaved blue moon into the fabric of the story and you made it a (symbolic) romantic backdrop too.
Sonia: Thank you. It is sad.
Adura: Thank you. Glad you liked the symbolish.
Denise
Very romantic in the realm of Fantasy, one can hope that one can wish.
Yes, John, one can hope and wish...D
You have a fabulous blog! I’m an author and illustrator and I made some awards to give to fellow bloggers whose sites I enjoy. I want to award you with the Best of Romance Blog Award. There are no pass along requirements. This is just to reward you for all the hard work you do!
Go to http://astorybookworld.blogspot.com/p/awards.html and pick up your award.
~Deirdra
Hi,
Yet another snip of my fav L'Aussie romantics. But oh no. They've broken up: why? I gotta know. What happened? I hate being left hanging... ;)
best
F
Wow Denise, I can SEE the blue! This is so poignantly beautiful, just grand!
Gorgeous! It's so sensual and descriptive, I love all the visual language.
I was very much THERE with Ruby; I've had those sleepless nights, although without a blue moon to wish upon.
You don't state what kind of feedback you'd like. One small suggestion is review your passive verbs like "was," "had," and see if you can substitute something stronger or in some cases you might eliminate them. Example: "rivulets of sweat ran between her breasts."
I love her listening to the noises in the night.
Oh how sad, made worse by the fact that it seems she made a decision she's unhappy with.
Thanks for comments so far one and all.
Deidra: Thank you!
Francine: All will be revealed!
Deanna: High praise from you!
Ruth: I love description, thanks.
Beverly: Yes, I say FCA, code for Full Critique Acceptable. Thanks for suggestions. I struggle against passive language all the time.
Sarah: Well, we'll see.
Denise
A touching story, let's hope her lover returns, once in a blue moon is far too seldom.
Steve: too true. D
How sad. I think I've been there a time or two in my youth. Those were miserable nights. Thanks for sharing and connecting with this.
Dear Denise,
This is so sad, but so beautifully rendered. Your text makes me feel for Ruby. I'm there with her. And yes, this is something that I have felt in real life too.
One memorable and miserable night, when I had to walk home alone very late from a similar miscalculation, I saw the stormy, firey skies of the Northern Lights (aurora borealis). It was the first and only time I have seen this, and was more impressive than a simple blue moon!
Thank you for your encouraging thoughts about my text. Now that I have read your snippet about Ruby and Michael, I think I understand better what you mean about letting the Blue Moon play a more important role in the story.
I should have written a story with other characters rather than to half-heartedly press a blue moon into my 'Carl & the Faeri-people Part Two' - text.
Best wishes,
Anna
For the benefit of other readers:
Anna's REWers Challenge No 20 'Blue Moon'
Stephen: And thank you so much for visiting/sharing your thoughts.
Anna: I really enjoyed your story too. I would love to see the Northern Lights.
Denise
One of your best descriptive passages - felt the heat, the annoyance, the restlessness and longing *fans self*
Denise,
There's something really enchanting about this piece. Maybe its the scene with the woman by the window on a moonlit night.
Inspired!
Cheers,
Kiru
The visuals you created here are glorious, Denise - I felt every breath with Ruby. Like Francine, I would love to know more. The blue moon is expertly woven in too. Lovely!
Very sensual. You allow the reader to participate in the scene with all their senses.
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