Sunday, March 13, 2011

Broken Hearts Blogfest

Thanks to Dawn Embers for hosting this blogfest. For my entry I have taken an extract from my WIP Ruby and edited from 1000 words down to a little over 500. Much sharper now.
I'm publishing here as I'm hosting Roland D Yeomans on L'Aussie Writing, so sorry for the extra click! If you haven't visited me here before, it is where I post my short, sharp stories so it is quite apt.
Now read and enjoy:

She was about to put the key in the door when she saw him. He was leaning against the wall of her cottage, his open shirt catching the breeze.
‘Michael,’ she whispered. ‘You’ve come.’ Kiss me.
‘He lifted his head, words tumbling, pouring into the space between them. ‘I had to Ruby. I couldn’t just walk away, let it end like this. I thought we were doing great.’
‘We’re heading in different directions. We’ve too many conflicts.’ I love you my captain.
He turned towards her. She studied the moonlit ocean. What could she say—she didn’t want them to break up either, but was there any choice?
He was close enough to reach out and touch, but to Ruby there was a huge chasm between them and a violent current raging down that chasm, forcing them apart.
He stepped across the imaginary divide, surprised her with the lightest of kisses. His lips felt warm, so warm. Michael. Michael. Michael.
She opened her mouth to speak but her bottom lip trembled so much she couldn’t.
He took her in his arms. He ran his hands down her body and she couldn’t help it – she gasped with pleasure. His fingers found the soft ruffle of her thin summer top, then lightly brushed her bare shoulder. Michael, that’s not fair.
Her trembling fingers touched his bare chest. She put her arms under his shirt, and tugged him close. She lay her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, loving the male scent of him.
She stiffened. Jumped back. What am I doing?
‘What?’ Michael murmured, ‘Don’t stop.’
‘We’ve got to stop.’
‘You can’t mean that?’ his voice sounded ragged, his breathing heavy.
‘You know it’s a bad idea. It doesn’t change anything between us. It only makes things harder in the long run. Better a clean break. Now.’ She stepped back, the chasm cracked open again.
‘I don’t understand, Ruby. I love you. I want to be with you.’
And I love you too, Michael.
‘Go. Quickly.’ Her voice broke on the words, her tears flowed, her whole body revolted.
He looked at her for the longest time. He held out his hands. Ruby nearly gave in. He dropped his hands, his face bereft.
‘I don’t understand. Why do I have to walk away? Surely you feel it too? Don’t you love me a little?’
Not a little, Michael, I love you desperately. But she didn’t say that. She lied.
‘No, I don’t love you. I’m setting you free. There are things you have to do with your life and I’m not going to hold onto you and prevent you from following your dreams.’
‘What are you talking about? You are my dream. There’s nothing I want to do that would come before you.’
‘Are you sure about that, Michael?’
He ignored her question.
'If I have to leave you tonight, Ruby, I won’t come back.’
Ruby stood before him, body shaking, tears falling, resolute.
No words.
A terrible silence.
A chasm neither could breach.
His eyes, blue as the ocean he was returning to, searched her green ones. Ruby tore her eyes from his searching gaze. He reached for her face, knuckled her tears, turned and walked away.
Ruby watched him leave, hot tears streaming down her face.
She unlocked the door to her Marie Antoinette suite. It suddenly looked ridiculously romantic to someone who’d just turned her back on love.

Now go and read some more entries ...


The Words Crafter said...

Wow. You really know how to pack a punch!!! This was hot and steamy AND heartbreaking. I hope she knows what she's doing!

Margo Benson said...

I've a feeling she's making a big mistake! Great writing, Denise - very moving.

stu said...

A classic heartbreak moment.

Donna Hole said...

You sure know how to strike a crushing blow. I'll take her cast off and mend his broken heart. Whoo, he's hot.


Raquel Byrnes said...

Oh, that was so tragic. Especially since they were both in love. Terrible...and perfect!

L'Aussie said...

Words Crafter, Margo, Stu, Margo, Donna, Raquel: Thanks. It is tragic.

Kerrin said...

ouch! that was painful!
Why did she turn him away? Great heart wrenching Denise!

L'Aussie said...

Kerrin: All will be revealed, ha ha.

Tanya Reimer said...

Wow. Great characters, great steam between them. Oh, I do hope they get back together! It just breaks MY heart.

L'Aussie said...

Tanya, thank you. They're a couple made in heaven alright, but have to go through hell to get each other.

Thanks for coming by. I appreciate it.


Trisha said...

Wow, that took a LOT of strength to push him away. He's sexxxxy. :P

Great writing!

Anonymous said...

Poor Michael. I'm thinking Ruby isn't being completely honest when she tells him she doesn't love him, eh?

I didn't mind the extra click at all, BTW, since I love the hell out of Roland Yeoman's writing and enjoyed the interview. ;-)

WritersBlockNZ said...

Awww Ruby no! Why'd you go do that? Great piece Denise, makes me want to find out more!

Dawn Embers said...

Thanks so much for entering the blogfest. It is a great entry. The attempting to end things in the now with the assumption that later on would be even more painful than that moment. In a way she's in control of her own heart break but at the same time not.

I don't often see the single ' to indicate dialogue but it works, though I think the third paragraph has an extra one at the start. And I'm curious: what makes a suite a "marie antoinette suite"? That stands out at the end but I'm not quite sure what it means.

Thanks again. Great entry.

J.C. Martin said...

Wonderful entry--very tragic! Love how you kept returning to the description of the chasm between them!

Just one small note: "Her trembling fingers touched his bare chest. She put her arms under his shirt, and tugged him close." This line confused me somewhat. How could she touch his "bare chest", THEN "put her arms under his shirt"?

Other than that, great post! :)

Mara Nash said...

So sad! And nicely done...cut right to the heart of the heartbreak moment.

Tessa Conte said...

*sigh* sad but brilliant. I particularly like how you ended it with "the middle".


L'Aussie said...

Thank you all for reading/commenting. I've explained to you JC that he did have a shirt on (see beginning.)

Glad you got the vibe...


Roza M said...

aww... why was she letting him go? So heartbreaking. Very well done. =)

L'Aussie said...

Thanks Roza M. Yes, she is a silly isn't she?

Alicia Gregoire said...

Totally sounds like conversations I've been involved in. As an independent piece, it would have packed a stronger punch if we knew why she had to let him go.

L'Aussie said...

Alicia, oh I like mystery.