Friday, January 21, 2011

I Talk to Dead People #fridayflash

I Talk to Dead People

I could smell the blood, gunpowder and gut-wrenching agony as I opened the door. I looked behind me, nodded.

'You did the right thing to call me here. This house has been a battlefield.'

He grimaced. 'I couldn't believe the stench when I walked in. It all but threw me back out the door.'

'Some terrible tragedy has taken place here in the past. Have you checked out the history?'

'I was an idiot. One of those losers who buy a house online.'

'What site did you use?'


'Well they're pretty legitimate. Obviously the owner didn't tell them about the history.'

'Wouln't have got a buyer then, would he?'

'No. True. How was the price? What was your name again?'

'Cheap. Stu.'

'Well you usually get what you pay for, but in this case you've turned that saying on its head. You've got a lot more than you bargained for wouldn't you say?'

'Exactly. Well, that's why I brought you in. Can't you get rid of these ghosts or demons or whatever they are? Exorcise the lot?'

I stepped inside. The stench and animosity in the room nearly made me gag. I looked behind. Stu was checking out my butt.

'You sure you want to come in Stu? There's things I have to do. Not pretty.'

'Hmm, if you say so.' He grinned. 'I know. Sure, I'm not scared, long as I can be with you.'

I turned around and looked at him. Something in his tone threw me. I had to look up he was so gigantic. Didn't matter how big you were, people were all scared of ghosts.

'Whatcha lookin' at missy?'

Your long grey hair, your handlebar moustache, your bandana, your studded belt and boots, your holey jeans...'Your face. To see what effect this is having on you.'

'I'm calma, calma, missy, just get on with it will ya?' His tone had changed. He was practically snarling.

I paused in the hallway, taking my time, looking around. I turned to face inside again when I felt a hand shove me with a mighty force. I went sprawling into what must have once been the lounge room, not a good look when you're wearing a tight red dress, black stockings and stilettos.

'Aaoomph,' I cried as my head hit the lounge. I heard an almighty crack.

The lounge?

There wasn't a lounge there before. I swear the room was empty when I first looked inside.

I gazed around from my vantage point on the floor. Everything looked red and black. I shook my head, focused.

There they were...

A room full of bikers, all dressed like Stu.

I looked to see if he was behind me. No sign.

'This more like it missy?'

He was looming over me, but, holy Christ, what was this?

I struggled up, confused. 

The whole bikie gang had turned up. The music was loud, the voices were loud, the clothes were loud. I felt out of place in my red dress. I tugged it down over my knees.

'Join the party, missy!'

'What the hell's this Stu? I came here to do an exorcism.'

'This is my gang, the Devil's Advocates. Come meet Joey, Simon, Dean...'

'You're kidding me, right? This is some freak show.'

The music stopped, the voices stopped. I swear everybody in the room was looking at me with icy stares. It was then I noticed the women lounging in the corner. Strangely they all looked a bit like me, long blond hair, tight dresses, stilettos. They stared at me with their dead looking eyes in their white faces, shrugged their shoulders then continued their conversation.

Suddenly the whole room exploded with raucous laughter. I turned away, confused again. I wanted to cry but my head didn't even hurt so what did I have to cry about?

I looked out the picture window and saw some bikers riding up to the house, guns at the ready. There was so much laughter inside Stu and his wild mates were caught by surprise when the gunfire started. Windows imploded, bodies spasmed, blood and gore splattered everywhere.

It was all over as quickly as it'd begun.

What was this? The faces looking at me looked different somehow.

'She doesn't know she's looking at dead people, does she Stu?'

'You kiddin' me? She doesn't even know she's dead.'

'You keep bringin' 'em bro'. You got taste.'

'Yeah, they get more than they bargain for, these creepy Ghost Whisperer types.'




Mary Vaughn said...

It wasn't what I expected -- in a very good way.

L'Aussie said...

Thanks Mary. It was a little twisty.

G.P. Ching said...

I didn't see that ending coming. Great twist and the dialogue was strong,too. I wonder what type of exorcism is performed in stilettos? Sounds exciting!

Laura Eno said...

Another one sucked in! I like how Stu kept getting creepier by the minute. :)

L'Aussie said...

Thankd G.P and Laura.

John Wiswell said...

She's going to get around - maybe places and people she didn't intend, but she will get around and popular.

Donna Hole said...

Loved the story in dialogue. Very clear with the voice. The tension and climax were paced just so perfectly.

The ending was cool too. Made me laugh - creepily.

Nice one.


Deanna Schrayer said...

What a great twist Denise! I don't usually like stories in dialogue, but this is defintely an exception - very well told.

N. R. Williams said...

Terrific, I wouldn't want to hunt ghost at this place. Believable, and totally out there. I imagined so many different outcomes that it kept me going and that is what you want.
N. R. Williams, fantasy author

Steve Green said...

Nice pace Denise, with a surprise reveal, I'm sure she'll soon settle into her new life/death at the biker party.

L'Aussie said...

Thanks guys. Nice that the ending wasn't obvious.

Eric J. Krause said...

Very cool story. Many neat twists and turns.

AidanF said...

Enjoyed the dialogue. I see the one biker as living and killing other victims to add to the tavern's atmosphere. Interesting premise.

Margo Benson said...

Whoa! Didn't see that coming! I loved how Stu became more sinister. Gave me chills, great story.

Tony Benson said...

Oyeee! Creepy! I really enjoyed that. Thank you :-)

L'Aussie said...

Thanks guys.

Tiffany said...

I liked the dialogue- it felt natural and drew me in. I was NOT expecting the ending. Love that! -Tiffany

Harry said...

Cool story and as many have mentioned, a good twist. I think you might twist it still farther by making her determined to finish the job she was hired to do. From the inside! ;)

~Tim said...

Nice use of dialogue and good twist.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Stu's honey trap is still working for him in the hear after. Good to know it isn't all clouds and harps on the other side.

L'Aussie said...

Yeah, party on you think Writercrjames!

Anonymous said...

Well I have to say I hated it ....
Who am I kidding I love storys wither great dialog
and this is great I love the twist at the end great job @jcunknown

L'Aussie said...

johnunknown: Thanks, I think!

Magaly Guerrero said...

I LOVE the snappy dialogue. You just can't stop reading it. Great pacing too!