Friday, June 3, 2011

"I remember..." #Romantic Friday Writers and #Friday Flash

I remember when the sky stretched above me, high and blue. I remember it filtering through the branches in slivers of light.

You reached out your hand and took the picnic blanket, red and black, made of the softest wool. You shook it free from its folds, its tassels floating in the afternoon breeze, until it settled onto the thick grass.

Mesmerised, I watched the rise and fall of your arms, then you stepped forward, held those arms out to me.

There we lay, bathed in sunlight and joy, inhaling the sweet smell of the sea.

So wrapped were we in each other we didn't notice the air had become cool.

I turn and see the stranger who is no stranger.

The strength of him is like nothing I've ever seen. His powerful arms fling me aside as if I were a rag doll. My face is in the grass. I squirm to the side, my head thick and throbbing.

I hear Adoni grunt. The stranger is a madman. The two men struggle, but Adoni is no match for those arms, muscles like steel ropes, squeezing. Adoni is failing.

I fling myself onto the madman's back. I feel helpless but Adoni needs me.

Pulling, pulling, on the ropey arms. The stranger turns to me and I see eyes gleaming like underwater stones.

It is the moment Adoni needs.

"Rialdo!" he screams. "She's mine now. Let us be!"

The madman falls to his knees. I peer closer. It is Rialdo. I remember...but this is another Rialdo, a man undone by love, Adoni's and mine.

I drop to my knees and face him.

"Adoni speaks truly, Rialdo. Our love was of another time, another world."

"My world is bleak and black without you, my love. I have come for you."

"No!" I hear Adoni scream.

Rialdo's eyes burn red in the fading light.

"No!" I echo Adoni's scream, dread thrumming through me. "I must stay with Adoni. He is my life now! We have many years of earthly pleasure before us."

"I'm sorry my beloved, but I must take you with me this time. Now. You will be mine into eternity."

I remember the last earthly sound I heard. It was the rustling of the leaves in the trees at the edge of the forest and my name in the wind - "Elspeth! Elspeth! Stay!"

I hope you enjoyed my touch of paranormal flash fiction. 394 words this week! If you want to read more #RomanticFridayWriters stories, click on the picture.
If you want to read more #Friday Flash stories, go to #fridayflash hashtag on twitter or click on the image in my sidebar.


Donna Hole said...

Love that name - Elspeth. So elvish :)

This also read like a letter to the beloved left behind. Interesting. Is this a new style for you? Or am I just noticing it b/c I read two such in a row?

I'll try to have mine up in the early afternoon tomorrow. I'm trying to combine it with the 3WW. We'll see how that works.

I want to write something new, and I'm such a slow writer . .


PS: I've tried to post comments on your L'Aussie blog, and am having problems. I know, google chrome is the solution. I hate trying anything NEW.

L'Aussie said...

Donna I'm excited that you're joining us this week. Great! I like playing with styles. This is not unknown to me.


Andy said...

Denise, this is AMAZING!
It's filled with, loss, suspense, horror.
The ending took me by surprise.
Poor Elspeth & Adoni. Rialdo is truly evil come back from the underworld.
This is a true "if I can't have her, no one will" tale.

Excellent again!

Francine Howarth said...


Love this, love the style of memory but could swear I've read it before: Vampire theme, different names.

Hee hee, and within the word count! Same over here, this time.


Margo Benson said...

Fabulous,Denise! Leading the reader into a calm picture, then chilling them completely!

Beverly Diehl said...

Oooh, lovely and then creepy/scary. Liked it muchly.

N. R. Williams said...

So can undo us all.
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium

Deanna Schrayer said...

"eyes gleaming like underwater stones" Love that description Denise. This style suits you quite nicely, well done!

P.S. Of course you know you've set us up for a much longer story...hint-hint ;)

Madeleine said...

Ooh I like the last line: 'I remember the last earthly sound I heard. It was the rustling of the leaves in the trees at the edge of the forest and my name in the wind - "Elspeth! Elspeth! Stay!"
Very haunting. :O)

Sonia said...

so sad and haunting. Really like the last line.

L'Aussie said...

Hi all. Glad you like it. It is a new story especially written for the challenge, but if you've read my Perfect Silence of the Night vampire series of stories (see further below) I have the same sort of haunty feel.

Thanks for coming by and reading.


Sarah Pearson said...

I love this, and I love how the same writing hint can bring forth so many different writing styles.

J.L. Campbell said...

I like! I like! You should develop this into something bigger. You've conveyed the love man and woman have for each other and the sense of loss Rialdo feels because he cannot have her.

Ms. Queenly said...

Wow, there's a substanstial amount of action here. Haven't read the like here until now. Did your heroine just get snatched up?

Like the action, L'Aussie.


L'Aussie said...

Thank you all for your positive comments. I've visited each of you.


AidanF said...

You captured a sense of deathlessness or searching through water in the opening. I didn't know she'd been killed but when that unrolled, it made sense. Nice voice.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! I've never read any paranormal romance before. It's very good.

L'Aussie said...

AidanF: You got it. I wanted that theme of powerful love.

catherine: Thanks for visiting here and for enjoying your first touch of paranormal.


li said...

Denise - No idea how I managed to miss this Friday, but then again I'm the most disorganized person I know.
I like the spareness of the story - a lot takes place in a short space of time. What I like most, however, is that Rialdo is not only scary - he is pitiable. It's very easy to draw an evil character who is flat and even a caricature. I find it appealing when I dislike or even loathe a character - and yet know exactly where he's coming from. :))

L'Aussie said...

Thank you Li for taking the time to come over after I nudged you. I really wanted to know what you thought as I respect your story-telling talent. Yeah, no one is pure evil, well, except maybe for Bob Ewell from To Kill a Mockingbird.


Eclipse said...

Well, that was an amazing read...It's very nice to meet you, and your work Denise.I'll be back again. Have joined RFW a while ago, thank you for hosting :)

Have a lovely afternoon/Eclipse