Haunting - A paranormal Halloween-inspired story for #RFWer and #Fridayflash

My story for #RFWer and #Fridayflash is one I'd started several months ago when I was experimenting with paranormal. I've re-crafted it as a fun piece. I've deliberately used cliches so don't get upset about that. Occasionally I long to break the 'no cliches' rule, don't you? 

Hope you enjoy 'Love Stories Suck.'

When you’ve lived on this earth for 400+ years you crave excitement. I was done with sleeping all day in a dark room, hiding from the sun, waking up to microwaved blood. What’s a vamp to do all century? Haunt the streets?

I slammed the hotel door and sashayed along Montmarte’s glitter strip, my current Parisian suburb of interest. Next to Moulin Rouge, I saw it: ‘A VENDRE’. My synapses zapped.

I’d accumulated a tidy sum in 400 years. Compound interest compounded, so before you could say ‘I need blood’ I owned a business.

The little bar was perfect, vamp chic – blood-red carpet, black walls, red bar, black furniture. Suited my little black er, heart. The pictures clinched the deal – horror-movie posters.

Now I didn’t have to prowl the mean streets at night.  

‘Ya not going to run this place all by yaself, are ya?’

I turned from admiring my Dracula poster and it was like, wow! Flowing black tresses, lush curves poured into a little black dress. Tasty.

‘You offering to help?’

“Ya, moi, who else d’ya see?’

‘You know bar work? You look, like, twelve. ID?’ I was only kidding but she whipped out the plastic.

‘Looks can be deceiving. You look, like, nineteen.’ She winked.

I flipped the ID back to her. Fake as, who cared? I want this girl-child.

‘What d’ya think? I been working bars for many a year. Know some tricks.’

‘It’s not that kind of bar. It’ll be a clean operation.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Drink, tapas, music…’

‘Boring as. But I can be boring if ya want.’

 ‘What’s your name?’ I asked, taking her hand. ‘I’m Drack Kulah.’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘Well I’m Ruby Black, but go by -’

‘Snow White?’

‘Right on. Hilaarrious. So, whatcha think?’

‘You’re hired. No funny business or you’ll be out on your pretty butt.’

‘My butt’s pretty?’ She twirled, black lacy dress flowing like waves, revealing a tantalizing glimpse of shapely snow-white leg and a flash of lacy knickers. Pity she wore Doc Marten’s.

‘You want stilettos, you got stilettos,’ she smirked, ‘but that’s not all I got.’ She sidled up.

Who needs to go hunting? She was mine, right here, right now.

I took her in my steel-like arms, going for the jugular, then…wow! She had no throbbing pulse! That was that. Of course I knew the minute she walked in...

At least one female in the bar's out of temptation’s way.

***

WORD COUNT: 404

Critique: MPA (Minor Points Acceptable) 

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#RomanticFridayWriters /#FlashFriday - 'First Love!'

My story this week for #RFW and #Fridayflash is slashed from a much longer short story I wrote based on a true story. I've ended up with a little over 400 words, but I started with over 1,000. Of course it loses a lot of punch but it fits the theme for #RFW (First Love!). As the theme was so serious I found myself interspersing phrases and allusions from '60's hit songs. See how many you can find...Oh, and Full Critique Acceptable.

The River

Two friends walk toward the river. There it is – dark and deep.

They always head to the river after work. The sweltering shift in the cafe means dresses for the Rodeo Ball.

Sym dreams of a new dress. To impress Thane. He may not know she’s alive; she’s a tenth grader - he’s a senior. He’s the one that I want!

The river sounds lovely. Sym imagines the feel of liquid velvet on her skin.

They hesitate at the top of the bank.

‘Guy, lookie here! Sym and Annie!’

‘Let’s go,’ whispers Annie.

‘No,’ says Sym. ‘Why run from creepy Rueben and Guy?’

‘Babes! Finished work?’ Reuben asks.

‘Yep.’  

They race to the water wrapped in towels, drop them and dive.

‘Rube, lookie here. Their bags!’

‘Get away!’ Sym screams.

‘That’s better baby. Come into my arms!’

‘Creep!’ Sym lunges, lands on Reuben’s bare chest. He crushes her against him.

‘Get Annie, Guy. Let’s teach ‘em a lesson.’ Sym sees Annie running. Go girl!

‘Let me go!’ Sym screams.

‘Not til I’m good and ready, hellcat,’ Reuben says, dragging her to the grass. ‘Now what’s under this swimsuit…’

‘In your dreams!’ She slaps him. He slaps back. Hard.

‘I’ve got you babe. Don’t tell me you haven’t done it already. I’ve seen you with that Thane Zachary, Mr Peerrfect.’ He slaps her again. ‘This’s the ‘60s after all. Make love, not war.’

Annie? You okay?

‘More like it.’ He’s gazing at her breasts. ‘Oh baby, you’re the one that I want.’ He bites and slaps.

Sym reaches out. Her fingers curl around a rock. Yes! She slams Reuben’s temple.

Pushing him aside, she runs. Annie’s on the ground. Wham! Guy drops..

‘Sym! Annie!’

They look up.

A figure looms over the river bank.

Thane.

Sym stands transfixed. Has he come for me? She points to Reuben and Guy, groaning by the river.

‘My God…’

‘No Thane, leave them.’

Thane steps to where Sym stands, shivering. Gentle hands lift her swimsuit straps and cover her, flinching at the bites and bruises. Concerned eyes take in her bloody head and mouth. He holds her in his arms and rocks her gently.

‘Can we just go?’ Annie.

Sym presses Thane’s arm. ‘Why did you come?’

‘I missed you at the shop. I knew you’d be here. Wanted to ask you to the Rodeo Ball. Should’ve come earlier.’

 He came…for her!

The next hours will be doctors, police statements, explanations, but she’s glowing.

Maybe he loves her too!

***

FCA, 414  words (oops)



A NOTE FROM DENISE:


Due the amount of negative comments I'm receiving, I obviously must spell this story out for those who've only flicked through it or only read a little bit of it and not understood the story then made incorrect assumptions. 


The set up shows two young girls arriving at  the river (Aussies swam in rivers in the '60s) to swim, dreaming of buying their dresses for the Rodeo Ball (a big event on the calendar in this hick town.) The scene changes when they're met at the river by the two school bullies who actually have different names from the aforementioned Thane, the 'first love' object in this story. These bullies try to rape the two young girls, drawing them from the river by rifling through their 'bags'. This term may not be used in America, but I'm Australian so I usually use Australian English, and 'bags' are naturally 'handbags' not 'breasts'. Well, the girls were in the water, well away, so the boys could hardly be rifling through their breasts.

And then the bullies try their darndest, but they're not saved by 'a knight in shining armour' as someone expressed, disappointed, they are saved by Sym's slamming them with a rock in their temple (I could have said 'goolie' which is our term for this type of rock.) Would have been as confusing as 'bags.'


The 'first love' crush then arrives and helps the girls to the police station etc, rather than saving them from the bad guys, so girls rule, which happened in the real life situation this was drawn from. So the 'First Love' theme was not about being an 'emotionally violent' First Love, but rather a First Love felt so deeply by a spunky (that means brave) girl who once she sees her 'love' arrive, forgets her trauma momentarily...


Hope this explanation makes my story clearer.


I know the 400 word limit worked against me this time and I said this at the beginning if you read it, but I think I had the elements of the story there if the reader took the time to follow it through and not jump to conclusions. D.

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 Romantic Friday Writers is a blogfest every Friday co-ordinated by myself and Francine Howarth. It is a fun event, showcasing the work of many fine writers who write romantic flash fiction or poetry under 400 words. Click on the icon in my sidebar to check out others participating today or join the blogfest yourself. We are also found on twitter. We are @RFWER A winner is awarded the recognition of being the week's Featured Writer or the Runner Up.

#Fridayflash is a group of writers who write flash fiction under 1,000 words every Friday to no particular theme. Click on the #Fridayflash icon in my sidebar if you want to access more stories.